Amicable Counterfeit: Patronizing

Amicable describes a character with a sense of humor that engages others. Maslow termed this sense of humor as “unhostile.” He sought to describe a character that prefers to joke at his expense rather than embarrassing others. I only simplify Maslow’s phrase to one word: amicable.

The counterfeit of amicable is patronizing. As a patronizing individual, you get the mechanics of self-effacing, but you always seek to be the center of attention—as if to be lauded for your humility. Your attempts at humor begin with jokes about yourself, but end with backhanded compliments directed at others. In groups, you promote your status as the alpha leader with condescension that diminishes the contributions of others while appearing to encourage them. You are fond of saying, “That’s not your strong suit. You should do this instead.”

It is often obvious that you are trying to be funny. Your attempts are flawed because your humor is not participatory. Your intention is to appear down-to-earth and approachable, but interactions often end with the revelation of your character as insecure and condescending.

To be truly amicable is to be able to laugh at yourself, to find humor in the human condition. Your humor invites others to participate and take themselves less seriously. You have the ability to support humor in humorous instances rather than forcing humor into serious conversations. Individuals leave your presence with a strong sense of the humor in life rather than a sense of you as the comedian.