Inspired is a character that explores origins, present realities, and potential futures. Maslow used the phrase “freshness of appreciation” to describe this character. He explained that this character possessed the ability to see things (even small things) with a sense of wonder. I add that this sense of wonder motivates action and offsets fear.
The counterfeit of inspired is punctilious. As a punctilious character, you attend to the form requirements of behavior without an intrinsic connection to people. Your individual relationships are often awkward to onlookers with inappropriate intimacy for the relationship at hand. In the group, you often trade in humor and feigned concern in an attempt to show yourself to be caring as opposed to cold and singularly focused on the set agenda.
You want people to see you as interested in them and engaged. On closer inspection, you are just going through the motions of polite interaction. You interest does not extend beyond the formalities of human contact. Your focus is the agenda you adopted in order to maintain your safety in the presence of multiple points of view. You cannot take the time to consider the value of the other’s contribution. Exploring beyond your agenda is to risk too much.
To be truly inspired is to recognize the value of diverse contributions and the opportunity represented by collaboration. Inspiration is not only the reality that you are not alone. It is the realization that the process of human interaction yields exponential returns. The commonalities and differences found between us lessen the load and create opportunities that were impossible for you to conceive of by yourself. The more people we invite to the table, the more possibilities avail themselves…if you engage.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Authentic Counterfeit: Arrogant
Authentic is characterized by a well-defined identity and role in environment. Maslow termed this spontaneity and simplicity. He explained that this character preferred being themselves rather than being pretentious. I clarify this language to place it squarely in the context of research on identity formation and social role definition.
The counterfeit of authentic is arrogant. As an arrogant individual, you lack a sense of self in the context of others. You seek to define yourself as separate from others. In this way, you do not have to evaluate the ethics or congruence of walking the talk. You self-protect in the group by thinking yourself smarter than the others. Rather than seeing this as an opportunity to share your knowledge, you decide that only you can understand.
You want people to see you as self-confident. But, we soon realize that you have little awareness of others. Your contribution is not to the group. It is simply an attempt to reject your feelings of loneliness. You often say, “I could explain it, but they will not understand.” Rather than recognizing your deficit in communication, you adopt the view that you are superior and therefore exempt from any collective social definition of self.
To be truly authentic, you embrace both your strengths and your weaknesses. You realize that who you are is only partly defined by what you know and who you know. Your social role is also important. Social role is what you contribute to the group. Authenticity is commitment to the requirements of your contribution and consistent participation in the discourse.
The counterfeit of authentic is arrogant. As an arrogant individual, you lack a sense of self in the context of others. You seek to define yourself as separate from others. In this way, you do not have to evaluate the ethics or congruence of walking the talk. You self-protect in the group by thinking yourself smarter than the others. Rather than seeing this as an opportunity to share your knowledge, you decide that only you can understand.
You want people to see you as self-confident. But, we soon realize that you have little awareness of others. Your contribution is not to the group. It is simply an attempt to reject your feelings of loneliness. You often say, “I could explain it, but they will not understand.” Rather than recognizing your deficit in communication, you adopt the view that you are superior and therefore exempt from any collective social definition of self.
To be truly authentic, you embrace both your strengths and your weaknesses. You realize that who you are is only partly defined by what you know and who you know. Your social role is also important. Social role is what you contribute to the group. Authenticity is commitment to the requirements of your contribution and consistent participation in the discourse.
Tolerant Counterfeit: Superficial
Tolerant is a character marked by acceptance of self and others just as Maslow communicated. To this, I add that this character allows you to change your definition of self and grow over time. This character is also marked by the ability to risk. Being wrong or unpopular is an acceptable risk if it brings others into the interaction.
The counterfeit of tolerant is superficial. As a superficial character, you lack the engagement that enables true analysis of yourself and objective evaluation of others. You miss opportunities to challenge yourself to be better. You allow others to be mediocre rather than point out failures because blindness to their failure enables blindness to your own ineptitude.
You think that to be totally accepting or to be intolerant are the only choices. You are often heard saying, “To each his own,” or “As long as it doesn’t affect me.” You miss opportunities to grow yourself and participate in the growth of others because you never risk being wrong—on the unpopular side of what is “polite” or “considerate.”
To be truly tolerant, you engage. Your interaction is less about determining right and wrong, and more about supporting the idea that growth and change is possible. Discussions of growth and change, when first applied to you, can yield new insights into how we all might work together toward success. Just because you believed yourself to be something last year, does not mean that new information cannot inform a new belief this year. You apply this allowance to yourself, and risk that others will not agree.
The counterfeit of tolerant is superficial. As a superficial character, you lack the engagement that enables true analysis of yourself and objective evaluation of others. You miss opportunities to challenge yourself to be better. You allow others to be mediocre rather than point out failures because blindness to their failure enables blindness to your own ineptitude.
You think that to be totally accepting or to be intolerant are the only choices. You are often heard saying, “To each his own,” or “As long as it doesn’t affect me.” You miss opportunities to grow yourself and participate in the growth of others because you never risk being wrong—on the unpopular side of what is “polite” or “considerate.”
To be truly tolerant, you engage. Your interaction is less about determining right and wrong, and more about supporting the idea that growth and change is possible. Discussions of growth and change, when first applied to you, can yield new insights into how we all might work together toward success. Just because you believed yourself to be something last year, does not mean that new information cannot inform a new belief this year. You apply this allowance to yourself, and risk that others will not agree.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Amicable Counterfeit: Patronizing
Amicable describes a character with a sense of humor that engages others. Maslow termed this sense of humor as “unhostile.” He sought to describe a character that prefers to joke at his expense rather than embarrassing others. I only simplify Maslow’s phrase to one word: amicable.
The counterfeit of amicable is patronizing. As a patronizing individual, you get the mechanics of self-effacing, but you always seek to be the center of attention—as if to be lauded for your humility. Your attempts at humor begin with jokes about yourself, but end with backhanded compliments directed at others. In groups, you promote your status as the alpha leader with condescension that diminishes the contributions of others while appearing to encourage them. You are fond of saying, “That’s not your strong suit. You should do this instead.”
It is often obvious that you are trying to be funny. Your attempts are flawed because your humor is not participatory. Your intention is to appear down-to-earth and approachable, but interactions often end with the revelation of your character as insecure and condescending.
To be truly amicable is to be able to laugh at yourself, to find humor in the human condition. Your humor invites others to participate and take themselves less seriously. You have the ability to support humor in humorous instances rather than forcing humor into serious conversations. Individuals leave your presence with a strong sense of the humor in life rather than a sense of you as the comedian.
The counterfeit of amicable is patronizing. As a patronizing individual, you get the mechanics of self-effacing, but you always seek to be the center of attention—as if to be lauded for your humility. Your attempts at humor begin with jokes about yourself, but end with backhanded compliments directed at others. In groups, you promote your status as the alpha leader with condescension that diminishes the contributions of others while appearing to encourage them. You are fond of saying, “That’s not your strong suit. You should do this instead.”
It is often obvious that you are trying to be funny. Your attempts are flawed because your humor is not participatory. Your intention is to appear down-to-earth and approachable, but interactions often end with the revelation of your character as insecure and condescending.
To be truly amicable is to be able to laugh at yourself, to find humor in the human condition. Your humor invites others to participate and take themselves less seriously. You have the ability to support humor in humorous instances rather than forcing humor into serious conversations. Individuals leave your presence with a strong sense of the humor in life rather than a sense of you as the comedian.
Intimate Counterfeit: Indulgent
Maslow discussed “intimate personal relations” as a character that values closeness to fewer friends rather than shallow relationships with many. I focus on the intimacy term in Maslow’s phrase to isolate and expand on the deep trust relationship that it describes.
The counterfeit of intimate is indulgent. As an indulgent character, you offer too much of yourself. You are unaware of the full set of options that communicate and sustain intimacy. Often, you have problems with sexualizing individual relationships with interactions that misrepresent trust. In groups, you tend toward discussions that are too personal, revealing information that most feel should be kept private.
You want people to perceive you as engaged and engaging, but you perceive a false duality. You think that the only options are to be an open book with no secrets or to be a stuffy social derelict. Trust is thwarted because the core of your interaction is to fulfill your own emptiness. It is more precise to term your behavior as chatty. You often lack appropriate boundaries to the point of over sharing.
To be truly intimate is to engage seeking a deeper knowledge of the choice behavior of others. A genuine interest in why people do the things they do. Intimacy involves less talking and more listening. Truly intimate relationships take many forms based in conversations in which an understanding of the other is increased. Intimacy is not just sex. In fact, true intimacy does not have to be related to sexuality or discussed in sexual terms.
The counterfeit of intimate is indulgent. As an indulgent character, you offer too much of yourself. You are unaware of the full set of options that communicate and sustain intimacy. Often, you have problems with sexualizing individual relationships with interactions that misrepresent trust. In groups, you tend toward discussions that are too personal, revealing information that most feel should be kept private.
You want people to perceive you as engaged and engaging, but you perceive a false duality. You think that the only options are to be an open book with no secrets or to be a stuffy social derelict. Trust is thwarted because the core of your interaction is to fulfill your own emptiness. It is more precise to term your behavior as chatty. You often lack appropriate boundaries to the point of over sharing.
To be truly intimate is to engage seeking a deeper knowledge of the choice behavior of others. A genuine interest in why people do the things they do. Intimacy involves less talking and more listening. Truly intimate relationships take many forms based in conversations in which an understanding of the other is increased. Intimacy is not just sex. In fact, true intimacy does not have to be related to sexuality or discussed in sexual terms.
Compassionate Counterfeit: Histrionic
Maslow used the term Gemeinschaftsgefühl to describe a character encompassing social interest, compassion, and humanity. I interpret the term and recast the character as compassionate. This term focuses on the commitment to work collaboratively to achieve shared outcomes.
The counterfeit of compassionate is histrionic. As a histrionic character, you have a superficial concern for others that wanes with time. You are initially perceived as caring, but you soon appear melodramatic.
Your interpersonal interactions, over time, are revealed as performances. You often give away your drama soon after interactions. You often reveal to supposed friends who are left to wonder if your interactions with them are as lacking as your interactions with others. In the group, you push an agenda that seems centered in concern for a population. But, your concern is not consistent in addressing all areas of concern. You refuse to commit yourself personally to ensuring the wellbeing of the population (or the group for that matter). This reveals that you only seek to use the “concern” to forward your own agenda at the expense of the population and the group.
To be truly compassionate, you represent a character of collaboration toward the greater good. Your commitment is demonstrated in your engagement in the discussion of shared outcomes as well as some measure of personal sacrifice. You commit to being an active agent in solutions. You maintain this commitment by continuing the conversation, nurturing the collaboration.
The counterfeit of compassionate is histrionic. As a histrionic character, you have a superficial concern for others that wanes with time. You are initially perceived as caring, but you soon appear melodramatic.
Your interpersonal interactions, over time, are revealed as performances. You often give away your drama soon after interactions. You often reveal to supposed friends who are left to wonder if your interactions with them are as lacking as your interactions with others. In the group, you push an agenda that seems centered in concern for a population. But, your concern is not consistent in addressing all areas of concern. You refuse to commit yourself personally to ensuring the wellbeing of the population (or the group for that matter). This reveals that you only seek to use the “concern” to forward your own agenda at the expense of the population and the group.
To be truly compassionate, you represent a character of collaboration toward the greater good. Your commitment is demonstrated in your engagement in the discussion of shared outcomes as well as some measure of personal sacrifice. You commit to being an active agent in solutions. You maintain this commitment by continuing the conversation, nurturing the collaboration.
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