Private Counterfeit: Isolated

Private is a comfort with and purposefulness in being alone. Maslow termed it “need for privacy.” To Maslow’s expression of meaning, I add the construct of self-development. Individuals enjoy a break from the expectations of other people, but the central question is in the extent to which your interactions were expressions of yourself or reflections of the expectations of others. It is important to separate yourself from community with the intent to return to community with a fresh perspective and a surer sense of self.

The counterfeit of private is isolated. As an isolated individual, you refuse to participate in social discourse that proposes to shape you and others. You may prefer to shape others only, so that you are perceived as righteous or wise. You may seek to place yourself above others clinging to a sense of safety. As a result, others in the group become guarded and the opportunity for authenticity and development is lost.

You want people to think that you are a thinker, deep in thought. But, your communications never place your perceptions on the line. You are never caught in self-introspection or doubt. You are certain of every utterance, sure of every idea, and clear about the failure of others when your ideas do not pan out. But, the group does not know you, your motivations, and your intentions. We may be tolerant while we interpret, but once we know that you never risk, we will not risk with you. Leadership or team membership is never the job of the infallible. Success follows she who develops individually and within the group.

To be truly private requires that time alone is time spent gaining self-awareness. Ask yourself the challenging questions. Do not just assume that the knee-jerk reactions you have to situations are your true response. Time away from the pressures of human interaction is opportunity to consider scenarios and different courses of action. If you were to react in a different way, what outcomes would result? Explore the options. Settle on an approach that is consistent with the person you want to be. Return to community ready to engage.