Invest Action not Anxiety

Anxiety is an unsustainable response to stress. Anxiety can exacerbate a number of physical ailments—even prolonging the natural healing process. I talked with a 21 year old who expressed some anxiety about the speed at which she was expected to grow up. She spoke of her perception that others were more adult than her. She saw professionals that knew more than her. She and you have something in common. You grieve the loss of youth, that feeling that you are not ultimately responsible. Someone else pays the bills. Someone else completes the applications. That time is no more. You are also frustrated that others seem to have what you do not yet have: a confidence, intentionality, and purpose. You hesitate unsure whether you can compete. At this point, your fear is in the place where competence should reside. Your hesitance is simply a lack of knowledge. First step: get the knowledge you need in order to do what you are gifted to do. Feed your gift. You can learn from those around you that appear to be more advanced. Lesson 1: Do you. Do not seek to replicate me. Lesson 2: the act of overcoming fear looks like courage to everyone watching. It is not true that I am more advanced. I simply have more practice standing against my fears. Practice standing against yours.

Act. Focus on productive relationships that support your activity rather than feed your anxiety. Often, you are your most vocal source of anxiety. You have so much to do. That is what you tell yourself. I challenge you to test everything--even your messages to yourself. Set a number for the things you must accomplish. Make a list of the things you have to do. It is often not as dire as you first insist. Some items are not due until next week or next month. Small contributions over time will result in task completion. The list is often not as long as your level of anxiety would suggest. Rather than continually stating that you are busy, become busy. Become active.

It is important that you begin to see time as an opportunity to build something substantial. Time, like other supposed enemies, has utility. Order your action. Set time deadlines for yourself. Do the hard things first. Do the simples things next. It is not cheating to do the things that you like and get them done even out of order. Draft out long projects in advance of the due date. Stop. Reflect after a day or two. Then, finish them. In the face of action, fear gives way to confidence.

It is true that you cannot be him. You cannot look like her. His talents are not yours. Her gift is not yours. At this moment, she may be "smarter" than you. Attempting to deny these truths will only result in frustration. Faking it will not lead to making it. Be you…the best you that you know. And, seek to learn more about you and your expertise. You do not have to know everything. You are only responsible for your expertise.

Invest Planning not Worry

Contrary to the belief of some, worry is not a necessary condition of maturity. You can retain the expectant nature of youth—the utopia of perfection without the problems. Maturity means that you now have the power to create the conditions for that utopian ideal to become reality. Rather than worrying about the seemingly inevitable challenges that you may come up against, plan for them. Take ownership. Take control. A well-thought out plan will embrace all the “worries” that can be conceived. The plan will also allow for unforeseen problems by including a measure of flexibility.

Relationships that feed you and those that offer real potential problems are both important in developing a good plan. Do not just listen to those that you love and respect. Fearfulness and mistrust keep potentially beneficial relationships from blossoming. Consider the value of inner circles of influence and other circles of access.

Circles of influence guide you with support and challenge. They extend your internal dialogue and question you. These inner circles have access to hurt you at times, but the pruning results in your growth. Count on these relationships to be consistent reflections on your plan.

Circles of access are those relationships that represent connections to markets and other circles. These relationships are not as close, but their purpose is clear. Do not consider them as “family” though they may use those terms. Circles of access exist for your utilization. Factor the ebb and flow cycle of these relationships into your plan.

Learn from the experience of others. Notice what they did wrong that caused them to think ill of your attempt. A good plan includes attention to the usefulness of failure in the short term. Unforeseen things happen, but live within the reality that hard work pays off. You could be wrong. The virtue in being wrong is in the learning, to be able to use failure in the short term to ensure sustainable success in the long term.

Investment: Paths to Certainty

If you knew that paying five dollars now would ensure twenty dollars next week, you would most likely excitedly hand over the five dollars. But, your currency is not just money. If you knew that an investment of two hours per week would result in residual income for you and your family, you would most likely be motivated to find that time in your week.

Each choice you are faced with involves investment and return. A farmer would say sowing and reaping. Whatever seeds you plant, you can expect to grow into plants. If you plant fear, suspicions, and worry, expect to grow fearfulness, mistrust, and anxiety. If you plant thoughtfulness, actions, and risk, expect to grow structure, results, and reward. The effects of sowing and reaping in your life are both physical and psychological. Relationships are affected by what you sow, and the reaping determines your reality.

• Invest Planning not Worry 
• Invest Action not Anxiety 
• Invest Risk not Self-Protection 
• Invest Engagement not Stress 
• Invest Positive Competition not Negative Competition

Your Being Needs

Self-actualization enables you to reason and feel more abstract conceptions such as morality and creativity. Self-transcendence enables you to construct a more collective vision and realize that your individual potential expands exponentially with each like-minded person who joins toward your common cause.

At each level of Maslow’s hierarchy, you are charged with actualizing the motivation to be your best self. The higher the level, the more your expression of actualization requires the ability to focus on relationships. Higher levels require you to see beyond yourself and your perceived deficits to celebrate your contribution and combine it with my contribution.

Maslow conducted a biographical analysis of people he felt were self-actualizers. He uncovered a number of traits that fit these individuals. As you look through the list of traits, you quickly realize that adherence to these traits would mean a constant state of self-development. At first glance, you may see this constant development as chaotic. But, remember that the deficit needs have all been secured. The development “chaos” is opportunity to identify the fake, solve problems and inconsistencies, support responsible actions, enjoy solitude, rely on self, resist enculturation, value diversity, genuinely engage others, deepen relationships, laugh at yourself, accept yourself, be yourself, wonder and explore, create, see yourself as a piece of a larger puzzle.

Deficits may be keeping you from being your best  right now. You may be stressed by financial pressures, fear of physical danger, relationship pain, low confidence or low respect. Let us deal with the deception that keeps you in deficit thinking even when you are, by my objective assessment, ready for self-actualization.

The deception of redirection is your focus on role stability as the foundation of success rather than role development. You interpret the natural uncertainty and consistent newness of self-actualization as an indication that you have not arrived at a point of stability. Let us work through your miseducation and fears toward a new understanding of risk as the foundation of your success. Not gambling but investment.

Your Deficits Needs

Abraham Maslow created what he called a hierarchy of needs in 1943. The hierarchy orders what humans need to lead productive lives. From another perspective, it lists the prerequisites for self-transcendence. In Maslow’s hierarchy, stable physiological needs enable safety and security. Safety enables love and belonging. Love enables esteem. Esteem enables self-actualization. Self-actualization enables self-transcendence.
•Self-Transcendence: Collaborate in new ways
•Self-Actualization: Create new knowledge
•Esteem: Find Agency in the Knowing
•Love: Find Comfort in the Knowing
•Safety: Touch and Know for Certain
•Physiological: Eat, Sleep, Excrete

Physiology, Safety, Love and Esteem are “deficit needs.” Deficit needs must be addressed and fulfilled before you can experience the “being needs” of self-actualization and self-transcendence. Physiology places importance on physical health and the proper function of the body. Safety and security explores the certainty with which you approach the world. Love and belonging moves beyond the simple physical and mental operations to the meaning and relationships you derive from interactions with others. Esteem extends the concepts of certainty and meaning allowing you to formulate self-confidence and the ability to team together with others.

You require therapeutic intervention, discipline, and a great deal of introspection in order to overcome the trauma, disappointments, and longing that characterizes your deficit. But, you will be unable to benefit from any interventions until you are free. Freedom is not just to count yourself as deserving of something better or different as Eve did in the story. Freedom is to recognize the power of working with others to actualize you. Stop worrying about whether you belong and whether others will accept you. Stop worrying about what others want. What you have is yours to offer. The potential benefit of that sharing is in the relationship—what you have added to what I bring.

Your potential productivity is beyond the consideration of your deficit. If you had to do this alone, it would make sense to be preoccupied with your deficit. But, a focus on collaboration means that you do not have to have all the answers, all the gifts, and have it all together.

Deceptions Case Study: 1 of 3

A story is told in an ancient text about a god who created the first humans. The creator named the man Adam. The creator named the women Eve. Some believe that the god created these beings with the same capacity as he held—to create. The creator placed Adam and Eve in a lush garden and instructed the man and woman that they were free to eat of every tree except one.

One day, Eve was walking near the forbidden tree. A voice from the tree engaged her. The voice asked, “The god told you that you could not eat from every tree?” And there, right there, he had her redirected. The deception was a subtle confusion. The creator was not oppressing Adam and Eve with his first instructions. The creator was freeing them. He did not begin with “you cannot.” He began with “you are free.” The issue under investigation was not the monotony of the menu and the prohibition. The important issue was how the prescribed menu freed Adam and Eve to focus on their relationship rather than worrying about food, shelter, and belonging.

This story of redirection is a cautionary tale for you. It is now time to focus on what you CAN do rather than being redirected to dwell on what you CANNOT do. When I come to you looking to collaborate, I am not interested in what you have not learned or are incapable of. I first want to know how you are able to partner with me—what you can add to our partnership. The sooner you recognize the gifts you have, the sooner you can begin to feed those gifts. Eve should have been using the food she had to fuel higher developmental needs. You should be confident with what you now know and have capacity to do. Now focus on higher developmental needs. Let us connect in partnership.